~ Life... as lived by me ~

The maternal change.

2011-02-25T18:58:00.000-08:00

Not so long ago I loved my career. I still do love it but it's different now. Going from family of 4 to family of 5 seems much more dramatic than I could have ever imagined. Once upon a time I was able to manage work, being a wife, motherhood and general life pretty well. I was able to write sweet anniversary cards, do craft projects with the kids, keep up with memory books for the kids, remember friends birthdays and attend weddings (usually with kids in tow). Today I feel like I can barely find time to change clothes let along juggle the many joys of life!
It seems as though my maternal brain has been calling. I think it's time to slow down and enjoy the small joys and appreciate the small moments while they're happening instead of through the lens of a memory. The trouble is my maternal brain and my life brain are struggling to find a compromise. Leaving behind a career I've worked 10 years to build, even if only partly leaving it behind, is a daunting thought. Work is filled with task list, deadlines and little boxes to be checked off and just about everything I do has an instruction manual and when an instruction manual wasn't there, I created one. So even though I consider my place in the working world to be an important one, the ramifications for screwing up there are nothing compared to those when you mess-up as a wife, mother, friend, etc. I've never been a stay-at-home mom, or a Betty Crocker/Martha Stewart kind of wife. How do I make such an important change? Will I be able to teach Cam? Will I be able to pick Grace up each day when school ends and come home and happily entertain her and teach her? Will I be able to create art projects and sly ways to teach life lessons to she and Cameron and Maddie? OR will I lose my mind? Will I get caught up my OCD tendencies for cleaning house and making to-do lists for my already existing to-do lists? I so desperately crave completeness right now. I keep thinking that if I get organized, get the girls rooms done, get Cam's room done, clean the garage, and go through the mail I'll feel better. Those things seem so impossible at times.
I need to learn how to accept things as they are and enjoy them as they are. I'm the kind of person that can't sit still in my own kitchen (even when I'm alone) if there is a dish towel crumpled by the sink. If I walk past a table and the chairs are not neatly and precisely angled I have to nudge them into place. I despise our coat rack because I think it looks messy yet it's a necessity in our house. I have saved pages and pages of DIY projects and crafts so that maybe one day I'll be able to separate them into groups of "do it myself," "do it with the kids" and "do it while Todd's home so he doesn't freak out at the mess I'll have to make." Yet my closet is the absolute messiest thing you will ever see. I have to clean it once a week.
I digressed a bit...
How do I manage the compromise between my maternal brain and my life brain? How can I create a schedule to do all of the things I want to do? My plan is great but I can't seem to make it a reality. I want to work 2 full days in the office, one from home and spend the other two with Cam. I'd like to be able to exercise 4 days a week and once a weekend. I'd like to cook 5 days a week. I'd like to cut coupons and make menu plans. I'd like to have my 3 days a week complete by 2 p.m. so I can pick the kids up and be home by 2:45 to do homework and then play board games or take walks around the block. I'd like an every other week date night with Todd and Wednesdays when he's playing basketball would be my date night with the kids. I'd like an every other week date night with the girls. Painting, or sewing or cooking classes. I'd like to print out pictures from the last 7 years of raising kids and organize a year by year book for each of them.
I want to have a routine. An organized life that can accept randomness with freaking out! I'd like to get good sleep at night and enjoy Sunday's after church hanging out and doing family stuff! I want to look young when I'm 40 and feel good and healthy.
In closing, I'm turning it over to God for he will guide me.

The best things are free!

2011-02-24T23:22:00.000-08:00

Life has escaped my grip. I can remember a time when I swore I would never get too busy or make excuses or put off staying on top of blogging, updating pictures of the kids, making memory books and writing in the kids journals. I'm laughing at myself now for having such a foolish thought! Seriously... just thinking of organizing 7 years worth the accumulated pictures, moments and memories spread over three very active and funny kids pains me. (in a good way of course).

The cliff note version of life lately -

This past Saturday (2/19) Grace said the most amazing thing ever to me! We'd spent the day working in the yard, all 4 of us, planting flowers and playing around. When we were done that afternoon we swam for a bit then Todd and Cam went to pick up dinner for us. Grace and I were getting to bath and I was sitting on the side of the tub running the water and she walked up and put her arm around my waist and said "Momma, I'm glad I'm glad I'm your kid." Just like that, matter of factly with a hint of sweetness. My eyes watered up as I hugged her and told her that that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. That moment is forever engrained in my soul. (Thank you, God, for that moment.)

Maddie is almost as big as me. I swear she's going to pass me up soon. Smart as can be. She's reading more and more these days. I love that she likes to read, it makes me feel like she has a little part of me in her. I bought her a really cool kid dictionary the other day and while that seems boring, it's actually a pretty cool book if you think about! (my thoughts will need to follow in a separate post or I'll get way too side tracked). Maddie is doing great at St. George and just got accepted to play city soccer. Watching her play this year was so fun, she's competitive yet so graceful. She scored the most goals in every game but never once was she boastful. I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever met a more rounded child that Maddie. Her heart is the size of the moon!

Cam is a walking, talking, climbing ball of fire. He's grown so quickly and he's so smart. He can count to 13 and say his ABC's and you'd better watch your every word because he can and he WILL repeat whatever you say! He climbs on everything. Thankfully I'm used to it now and he's sort of gotten over the newness of the whole idea because for a while there I had to keep all barstools and chairs picked up or he'd push and climb on everything. I gave him his first big haircut two weeks ago. His curls were out of control and getting really long and while I don't mind the shaggy look the front was a bit too long. I figured if Todd took him to the barber they'd cut his curls off and if anyone was doing that, for better or for worse, it was going to be me. I bathed him and washed his hair and sat in the leather chair watching TV and stood behind and just pulled and cut randomly while praying for the best! Thankfully for me, it came out pretty good but I did promise that that would be the last time I'd cut his hair. With his curls and big cheeks and animated personality, he does have direct access to my heart. It's funny how different it is with a boy. The mom/son relationship is so different, it's like we depend on each other for the exact opposite things creating the perfect balance.

It's been a while...

2010-05-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

I can't beleive it's been so long since I've written...

Cameron was 10 months old on Friday. I can't beleive it! It seems like only yesterday I was counting down the days since he was born. He is the absolute cutest little boy I've ever been blessed enough to lay eyes on. Big and pinchable cheeks, perfectly blue eyes and HUGE. He's perfect in every way. Just like his big his big sisters. He is every bit of Todd except that he gets his big round head from me. :) I didn't know having a son would be so different from a daughter. It feels like yesterday I was holding and hugging and kissing him, all of which he loved just as much as I did. And today, he's strong and interested in everything around him instead of just me. My heart is breaking a little. Todd walks into a room and I swear this child lights up like the Time Square christmas tree. I walk in a he smiles but it's not like the excitement he shows when his daddy walks in. Bitter sweet I suppose because I do know how lucky he is to have a daddy like Todd. Still... the selfish side of me is not ready to play "second" haha. I miss those sweet days when it was just he and I. Looking forward to his every move, the quietness that lingered each day when I was home with him on maternity leave.
He's just growing up too fast to say the least. It's funny because sometimes I panic at the thought of what he's picking up at daycare. He seems to have gone from my sweet and precious little man to an almost toddler that now pushes away when something else is more interesting. I told Todd that we needed to move him to another sitter or I needed to quit my job because he was learning bad habits. He's started pinching and being more aggressive. I rationalized it as he's the youngest in the class but because he's so big and tall for his age people think he's older so since he's with older kids, he's obviously having to defend himself so that's where he's learning to push and "hit." Todd kinda of laughed and me. As a dad he's probably proud of his big, strong boy. I, on other hand, am praying that he'll be strong but still gentle and kind. With Grace and Maddie I guess I didnt really think of those things. I, as their mother and woman in general, wanted them be strong and independent and able to defend themselves.
Again, funny how different it is with girls vs. boys.

Maddie is doing great. Growing by the minute it seems. She's tall and beautiful beyond words and kind beyond her years. A great friend of mine, Mrs. Chris, used to call me an "old soul." That is how I best describe Maddie. She's wise and kind and loving beyond her years. She just got accepted into a great private school. Each student was required to pass a test with an 88 and she scored a 92. She's so smart. It's funny because she can hear a song once and she'll remember and be able to sing just about every word the very next time it comes on. She's playing soccer and she's in girl scouts. I can't beleive it's already time for First Grade!

Grace is still Grace! haha. Her last day of school was last Thursday. Now that she's home she thinks everyday will be an adventure where she gets to play with someone or have a sleep over. This kid loves sleep overs and it's funny because if she goes to Rhett or Hunter's house you better beleive she's in bed with Aunt Missy or Aunt Amy. She makes sure that's ok before she's goes anywhere. She can't wear dresses or mary janes to school anymore because if's not wearing her "running shoes" she can't run as fast as Rhett Taylor at recess. Yep, that's what she told me. And I've never met another kid that loves socks so much. And only "baby" socks. She only likes ankle socks. (she gets that from me) One morning Todd said something about her socks not matching and she told him she had different colors on because they looked like a rainbow!

Todd and I went to Costa Rica a few weeks ago. It was nothing short of amazing. It was exactly what we needed. We laughed and talked like we did when we started dating. The iguana will forever be our "thing." We layed in the hammock, relaxed at the pool, napped during the day and ordered room service (one of my favorite things in the world). Gosh, we've come so far. He is my bestfriend. I love coming home to him even when he makes me mad! I am so proud and lucky to have him as my husband and the father of my children.

I'm all grown up now. Some days I still can't beleive it. I still think to myself and wonder where the time went. At least once a week I say to myself "You're here, can you beleive it? Is it everything you imagined it would be when you were young?"

The baptism, the family, the friends

2010-02-16T18:23:00.000-08:00

Cameron was baptized Saturday. It was a beautiful day. He, as was the rest of my family, as beautiful as one can imagine. We had friends and family there to watch and support us. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. As father gathered us in the front, Uncle Ricky (Parain) held Cam with my sisters (Nanny Nic and Nanny Bran) right beside. Cameron watched Uncle Rick so contently the whole time. He didn't even move when the water was poured over his head. I was waiting for him to start laughing or "talking" because the sound of running water makes him scream with laughter but he was so peaceful and calm instead. For a brief moment, I looked around at all of our family watching, Aunt Terry was crying, mom was taking pictures (Thank Goodness for her) and dad was smiling from ear to ear.
As I listened to Father speak, I realized how truly important that day was, how much it meant. I'm not a religious person although I very much believe in and worship God. It wasn't about that, at least not for me, it was about my promise, Todd's promise, the godparents promise to be there for Cameron, to teach him and raise in the eye's of God. I stood there moved by the words Father spoke, by his kindness and his sincere desire for my child to be brought up knowing God. I knew at that moment that I needed to do my part, I needed to make sure that even on the Sunday's that I don't really feel like getting myself dressed let alone 22 or 3 kids, I need to. And it doesn't matter whether we go to St. Pius, or East Bayou, it matters that we go, as a family, and that we live it.
I used to "watch my mouth" when speaking about God depending on the audience but not so much anymore. I have had some truly amazing things happen in my life since opening my heart to him, not religion, but to God. I am not as judgmental about religion anymore, or about people, or about "things." I'm far from perfect but at least I am better at catching myself now. And I don't think so much coincidence anymore as I do blessing. My life has been enriched by so many people, sometimes I want to shout to the world, or even shake a person to get them to pray.
Speaking of prayer. Grace often says she doesn't know how to pray. Again why Saturday was such an amazing day... I was younger and less mature and in tune to what my true role was a parent when we baptized Grace. We said our prayers at night, but I never really talked to her about God or about prayer. This is my opportunity not only to teach Cameron but to help Grace as well. We're all growing together.
I've rambled quite a bit but in the end, my point is that it was a beuatiful day. My family was there, all the people that mattered most. Madison was front and center, on the verge of bursting with excitement and anticipation of getting her hands on Cameron.
Johnny and Shannon, Aunt Rebakah, PawPaw Bill and Tessi, Nanny Bonnie and Uncle John, Tandy and Clay, Mawmaw Hatti and PawPaw Claude... they were there for Todd and I and for our family. There was no better feeling in the world. It's not like baptizms are fun, and they weren't expecting a catered meal or door prizes, they were simply there to show their love and support for our family.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: IT GOES ON

2010-01-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

A quote by Robert Frost.

Very fitting for today and the thoughts that have been floating around in this crazy, unpredictable mind I have!

It is quite simple isn't it? No matter what. No matter how big or how small. LIFE GOES ON. Chaos, hurt, fear, pain, love, laughter, miracles... these things effect each of us differently but at the end of the day, life goes on no matter how you feel. If I pray for the war to end, and the poor child in Iraq is praying for it to continue so he can walk his streets freely one day, who's prayer does God answer?
Even if a person selfishly ends their own life, no matter how much hurt they leave behind, no matter how much we think we can't go on or how we don't think we can bare the pain... eventually Life does go on.

The tragedy of Katrina and Rita, the tragedy of the tsunami, the tragedy of the earth quake in Haiti. We all feel it, it's raw right now but next week, it won't so raw. Next week the news will turn back to Tiger Woods or some other "none of our business" senseless media and the real tragedies won't be so tragic anymore, at least not for everyone like it is right now. Because life does go on, people turn the TV off, switch the radio station and go on about everyday life.

It's not all negative though. I don't mean that. It's a blessing that life goes on. The mistake I make today can be wiped away tomorrow. The fact that life does go on is a chance to start over, a chance to be better.

Little sister

2010-01-21T00:13:00.000-08:00

It'll probably take years before you understand where I come from, why I am the way I am, why I drive you crazy and why I do the the things I do. It's not easy to explain the way I feel about you... I want so badly to see you happy and successful and I don't mean successful in the materialistic sense of the word. I want you to succeed in whatever you do. I want you to have every opportunity that life has to offer. I never want you to settle or take the easy way out. I want you to have all of the confidence in yourself that I have in you, I want you to go feet first into every turn your path offers up. I suppose that now that I have children my own, my feelings for you are much like that of a mothers for her child. Our age difference allows more room that feeling as opposed to the typical love/hate relationship most siblings share.
When it comes to being a big sister I seem to have a very bad case of "open mouth, insert foot" syndrome. I have this problem in general but it seems to really shine when it comes to my ability to play the big sister role.
Although I went through most of nearly 10 years ago it still feels like yesterday but I've gone through most of what you're encountering now. I've seen the excitement, the confusion, the hurt, the love, the pain, the adventures, the lust, the struggle, the lack of faith, the yearning to fit in. I've seen and felt it all to the absolute core. So in addition to my OMIF syndrome, I also have a case of "been there, done that - now let me tell you all about it and spare you the pain" which often equates to a whole lot of me talking and you silently wishing I would shut up and save it for someone else! Believe it or not, I do understand. Half the time I wish I could shut me up too. BUT... I do want to spare you all of the bad parts even when I know that the bad parts are what make us stronger and help us to grow.
I can't promise never to give my opinion again. Hell, I did that recently and just this afternoon there I went trying to insert help into your life again. I even caught myself mid-sentence and still couldn't stop myself. It was like I was mentally kicking myself in the butt and still, I just had to keep going. Again, I can't promise to keep my mouth shut but I can promise to try and I can promise you that no matter how much I mess up, no matter much I drive you crazy, I really never mean to hurt you. My lectures and/or speeches are not meant to hurt you, they're not even meant to tell you how to live your life. They are simply me trying to help you and when possible guide down the path with the least amount of unneccesary hurt.
At the end of the day, the end of every day I love you for who you are. I love you when make "stupid" decisions, I love you when you make great decision. I love you when you succeed and when you fail. I love your faults and I love your flaws. I love everything there is to love about you, good and bad. And just so you know, the good and the great, the beautiful and the caring in you all outweigh the flaws. You are an amazing little sister whom I will always admire more than words will be able to express.
Your strong will and stubborness drive me crazy but I love you. Your heart of gold is my weakness.
So at the end of today I am thanking God for you. I am thanking Mom and Dad for you.
I love you little sister...

Love, Sissy

Christmas 09

2009-12-30T14:49:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful time of year! Family, great food, old friends, reflecting on a year of growth and most important... Baby Jesus' Birthday (as Grace and Todd say). Those first days of December brought on an overwhelming feeling of "Where do I begin?" I had to slow down and remind myself to enjoy this time and the season and the reason for it all. Although I'm usually finished Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving, this year I didn't even make my list until the second week in December. It all worked out though. I got to take a weekend trip with family to go shopping and spend some much needed family time. It's also Cameron's very first Christmas. This year has been so incredibly amazing on so many levels. Our girls are growing so fast. I can't remember if I blogged about this already but wanted to make sure I wrote it down so you may be reading this twice.

Grace's Christmas Wish List:
1. A real Dinosaur
2. A Treehouse "Like the one you have to climb a tree to get in"

Madison's Christmas Wish List:
1. Rudolph chapstick (or snowman if Santa runs out of Rudolph)
2. Hello Kitty Purse or anything Hello Kitty
3. Rudolph stuffed animal

Could we have two more differently programmed children? haha. These two crack me up to say the least.

Dad's Family
This year we did Christmas at Dad's. It was wonderful. We'd gone a few weeks earlier and me, the kids and Brandi decorated a tree Dad bought for us. We even put ribbon on the deer. The house looked great. It was the first Christmas we've had there since mom and dad seperated so it was really special for us. And although I think it may have been a little hard on Dad he was great and put on a happy face for us. All of the family was there. We passed out presents to the little kids and then played Dirty Santa. Aunt Mary made the best fudge and Christmas candy as usual and Aunt Paulette made an okra gumbo just for Todd for his birthday. Nicole and Meagan came and I was proud of them both. I'm sure Meg was a little uncomfortable at first but she did well. Eventually I gave her "Cameron Duty" so she wouldn't have to just stand there but all in all I think they had a good time too.

Mom's Family
We had Christmas at Aunt Kim and Uncle Russell's. This is always a great place for Christmas. ALL of the little kids love it there. Uncle Russ has a huge wooden swing that I swear can touch the top of the tree's and they have a smaller tree swing with a seat for the smaller kids. There's more yard then the kids can ask for and it's always pretty relaxed. I don't know how they do it, each year we add a new grandbaby to the family and soon even their yard won't be big enough for us, haha. I've always admired them for all they do and how involved they are. They really are good to all of us.

to be continued when kids aren't asking for 10 things :)

Love, passion

2009-12-22T18:17:00.000-08:00

is that feeling that you really can't explain. when it's real it sort of comes and goes, especially when you've loved someone for a long time. one day can be full of emotion and passion and yearning and the next day you may wake-up and wonder what the hell you're doing but no matter what, it's still love. you can't help who you love. you don't get to pick them from the tree hearts. and sometimes you even love the person you don't want to love. love is unexpected and crazy and fun and hard and exciting and frustrating. loving another person is hard because just as we change, the people we love change. the person you fall in love with will be a completely different person 5 years from now. i guess it proves that real love is loving a person for many things, not just one. the ability to love a person for their faults as well as the good they have to offer is what seperates love from puppy love. for example: you can't base your feelings for someone solely on physical attraction and call it love because what if that person is injured tomorrow and there physical attraction is no longer there? what will you have to love?
is that feeling in your finger tips when you touch a person. you know that feeling of absolute tingling that you can feel down in your toes? its that kiss they share on T.V. and when it happens you think "wow, i thought that only happened in movies." its a crazy desire to yell out a persons name at the most inopportune times. its when a person puts there hand on your shoulder and your skin warms. this feeling, too, comes and goes. one day a touch can feel like fire and the next it's cold and weathered.

isn't it amazing how we're filled with so many feelings and emotions? i can remember in my highschool and early college years wishing for the cliff notes of life and love. today, I am very thankful that some wishes don't come true. the puppy loves, borken hearts and pitfalls of life really do count. we do need them afterall. every experience, even though at the time I may have wished for them to go away, have rounded me into who I am.

Making a better me...

2009-12-22T18:05:00.000-08:00

1. start reading the bible with Grace before bed again
2. wake-up at 5 a.m
3. take vitamins
4. worry less
5. listen to my heart every day
6. exercise
7. eat healthy
8. save more
9. pray for patience daily
10. make a to-do list and actually use it
11. quit smoking (do that thing mom did)
12. stock my fridge with Little Black Dress pinot grigio
13. dance in the rain
14. buy one serving peice a month
15. plan a trip to the beach
16. finish my life letters
17. create a new song list and make a CD for my car so that I can smile every morning on my way to work

to be continued...

My day.

2009-12-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

Amazing…

Today I took the girls shopping, they got to make a list for the people they wanted to buy gifts for then went and they got to pick presents for the people on their list. They were able to pick whatever they wanted. I only offered advice when they asked for it. It was amazing to watch and listen to the generosity Madison has in her. With each person she checked off, she added another name to the list. Grace, while in the shopping mood and happy about picking out presents, leaned more towards presents that could be shared with her . Shopping with a 4 year old and 5 year three days before Christmas offered a chance to laugh and plenty of opportunities to pull my hair out! I had to remind myself through clinched teeth to breathe and relax. They argued about who got to pick out presents first, which isle had better choices, who was going to check out first, who would open the car door first, etc… Grace was thirsty, Maddie was mad because Grace was taking too long and in the end, we made it to the car in one piece, everyone checked off the list. We stopped for ice cream afterward and few last minute gifts I needed to pick up. We came home and after 20 minutes of hiding in the guest bedroom, I had mustered enough sanity to emerge again for round two so we could wrap presents!
The presents were funny, they range from a whoopy cushion to a very funky diamond studded headband. The best part is the wrapping. Each got to pick their own wrapping paper and had their own tape dispenser. I pre-cut the paper and they went to town wrapping. Now they’re at Cart Ranch with Todd. The perfect ending to a very bumpy and fun day!

My second wonder… Cameron! Belly laughs and rolling around on the floor. That kid can make you smile even on the hardest of days. He’s like a small snowman or a jolly santa clause. You say “boo” and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. I put him to bed about 30 minutes ago. As I got up to lay him in his bed I couldn’t help but smother him with kisses and rub my lips on his soft, fuzzy hair. He’s grown so fast that I find myself staring at him in amazement. I still wake up and put my hand on his chest to make sure he’s breathing. He looks so much like Todd and Madison that it’s scary. He’s got dimples in his cheeks and right under his eyes when he smiles.

Turkey, Ham, Family and many THANKS!

2009-11-29T17:31:00.000-08:00

We had an early Thanksgiving at Uncle Johnny and Aunt Shannon's. Uncle John, Leigh and Claire came too. My girls followed them around everywhere. Uncle John cooked gumbo that was better than any I've tasted. Maddie and Grace each had two bowls. The weather was perfect and Cameron was happy that there were no pumpkins at Aunt Shannon's! (last time we put him in a pumpkin for his 1st Halloween picture)

Thanksgiving Day: We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. All of the family came to visit, the kids played and painted Christmas ornaments. As usual Aunt Nancy's ham was to die for, Aunt Paulette's corn had me at hello, all of Aunt Mary's mississippi mud pie was gone within 5 minutes, Angie's sweet potato casserole was heaven sent for Todd.

There was a moment when I looked around at all of the kids running through the house, the women looking at Black Friday sale papers and the guys outside talking about the weather, hunting and only God knows what else... and my heart smiled. I'm grown up and I have an amazing life filled with the most amazing people. I have more to be thankful for than I could have ever hoped for!

Happiness

2009-11-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

Frick & Frack

2009-11-24T07:56:00.000-08:00

Maddie Lou & Gracie Bug

Sweetness

2009-11-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

How sweet he is! Thank God for giving me a BOY after those two girls!

Thanksgiving...

2009-11-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for three healthy children that can make even the worse day seem great with nothing but a smile, or a little drool or a big kiss - a wonderful husband who loves me the way that I am, who I still find sexy and who can still make a laugh - my parents for being a part of my life and for still believing in me - my sisters who teach me something new every and who still make me want to be a better person so that I can be a good role model - my friends for enriching my life beyond words as some of my cherished lessons were learned from them - my job - my home - for the best teacher a mom could ask for in her daughter's first year of big girl school - for books - for my prayer journal - for good wine and warm fires - for cajun chicken egg rolls from Bonefish - for the best co-workers a person could ask for - for freedom of speech and the right to choose my own religion - for Greys Anatomy - for comfortable sheets and plastic cups - for digital camera's and carseats!

My little man

2009-11-19T16:25:00.000-08:00

Piper & Cameron (2 weeks apart)

Cam's first picture... (Thanks as always to KIMI!)

Lesson learned...

2009-11-05T08:49:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I was becoming a better friend, I realized I still had a lot to learn...

Sometimes we encounter people that we mesh well with. This was in fact that case and she'd been a great friend. I'd sort of started feeling sorry for myself lately and assumed she just didn't care because for a while we only talked when it was convenient for her or when I made the call, or so I thought. I stopped calling for a while with the "she'll call me when she's ready, I'm tired of initiating" mentality. Boy did I get it wrong! It wasn't a lack of regard for me or my feelings. She had a lot going on and really couldn't call. Actually, she was sick and back & forth with doctors.

Lesson learned - We should do things without expectation. We should be a good friend because it is what we are meant to do. We should call even when we're not being called. We should say hello even when no one is saying hello to us. We should smile when no one else is smiling. We should inquire about another persons day even if no one has inquired about our own.

It is unfair to assume how someone else feels or that they don't value us. Everyone has their own opinion of the "value" of a friendship and/or what validates one. We each have our own idea of how to be a good friend. For some it may be calling or emailing daily, it may be saying "hi" once a week or once a month. For some it could be not talking for 3 months and then meeting up and taking off as if you'd never missed a day.

The world doesn't revolve around us, we revolve around the world. Do onto others and you'd like done onto you...

I didn't even know...

2009-11-03T06:49:00.000-08:00

God sent someone into my life quite sometime ago but it wasn't until a few months ago that I realized how important she would become in my life. When I talk about acceptance, she's one that takes me as I am. She's funny, and smart, beautiful, LOUD, petite, quirky, loving and compassionate. She's full of life and she's busy, she's all over the place and yet right where you need her to be when it's most important. At first glance she can leave you feeling uneasy but it's just because her "filter" isn't always working. :)

I didn't always see what I see right now. I didn't always see just how amazing she was. A year ago I went through a really tough time. She was there, she listened and she let me cry. She encouraged me to move forward. She was there even when I didnt know I needed someone. She didn't jump on the band wagon when everyone else did, she sat there and told me what I was meant to hear not what I wanted to hear. She saved my marriage and she made me a better person. And although I knew I was "lucky" back then, I didnt fully understand it until now.

So... not everyone will "get" her or her ways although she'll never notice or care because it's not that important to her. But she's been wonderful to me, she's been great to me, she knew something was wrong when no one else did. I didn't have to tell her, she already knew.

~Thank You Amy

My journey to spirituality

2009-11-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

I've started reading the bible for the first time in 28 years. I was raised baptist and catholic although we didn't attend church. I did attend the occasional bible school class though. As I got older and went to private school for the later of my high school years, I started to steer clear of religion because I simply didn't believe/agree with it. I still harbor some of those feelings today about some but that's neither here nor there.

I'm reading the bible and it's great. I read to Grace every night before bed and because her school is based on God's word, she always has comments or things to add which is great. I digress... In addition to reading the bible I've started keeping a prayer journal. I started this journal following a conversation I'd had with a friend of mine, Missy, one night. That journal has been my saving Grace. I'm not good at praying, can't lead a group of people in prayer without choking or skipping important words but I'm working on it. This journal is my personal relationship with God. I can pray for whomever I want to. I can pray for small things, big little, happy things, sad things. I can simply pray.

When I say my life has changed, I mean it really has changed. There was a time, not that long ago when I was first to jump on the gossip band wagon, it's not so satisfying anymore. I used to be the first to add a curse word to add color to my stories, it doesn't seem to help as much anymore. I was the first to judge a person's ugly shoe's or ill-fitted shirt but it doesn't seem worth it anymore. It seems like all of the negative is going away. This life really is short and even more than it is short, it is precious and I don't want to waste my time arguing, fighting, gossiping and complaining. I have so much to be thankful for and when I can't figure it out or accept it, I pray about it. I replaced the weekly complain/bash sessions with prayer. I write it down and I ask God to help me. I ask him to guide and when necessary I ask him to give me the words I need.

I'm not perfect... I still slip up and I do so more often than not but I'm better at catching myself and stopping before it goes to far. I am better to shifting the negative conversations to positive stuff or just removing myself from it all together.

My relationships have changed. I was a person that wanted to be loved by everyone and sometimes I would exert so much energy trying to be a good person or the person other people needed in order to prove myself that I neglected the people that loved me just the way I was. I've learned to step away and do my best to live my life according to God's standard and no one else's. If I'm not the person you need, want and/or expect, that's ok with me now. I wish you the best of luck in the finding the person that is. And if you don't and you're willing to settle, I'll be there when you need.

God has opened my eyes to the people that really do love me. The people that want me to be a better person in his eye's. The people that accept me the way that I am are ok with the changes I've made in my life. He also helped me to accept that sometimes you have to let go of the people you thought would be there forever. My door will always be open to them but I'm better if I let go of any expectations I may have had.

That's all for now...

My secrets - cont'd

2009-10-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

I love wearing socks withOUT shoes.

I love to sit on the floor in the shower and just think! In fact, when I was pregnant I would actually bring books into the shower because I couldnt sleep!

I smoke. I wish I didnt and I'm praying to quit but for now, I smoke.

Sometimes when ice falls out of the freezer, I kick it under the fridge instead of putting it in the sink!

Cleaning house is a stress reliever for me.

I am an organized mess!

I will change my kids clothes 4 times in a row if I don't like what I just picked out for them!

I love the way strawberries smell but can't stand the taste.

I like the cheap brand of neopolitan ice cream but won't eat the expensive kind.

Despite my efforts, I am sometimes too judgmental.

For the first time in 28 years I am reading the bible and I love it.

When I was little I stole a necklace from my friends house and gave it to my mom for Christmas. (terrible I know). Obviously mom knew I did NOT buy a gold herringbone chain on my allowance so I had to apologize and return the necklace!

I recently learned just how terrible I was as a friend sometimes. I'm trying to be better.

Wow... It's been a while!

2009-10-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

Cameron is 3 months old. He's laughing out loud, has a smile that can melt your heart, dimples to die for and the prettiest blue eyes... He's my baby boy and I had no idea he's capture my heart this way or that I'd even be able to love yet another child as much as I did the first two! How lucky am I?

Maddie is growing up so much. She was playing school this weekend and I overheard her telling the other teacher (grace) that one of her students parents were so hard to get in touch with that she even had to email them! Yes... you heard me right!

Grace, well she's still Grace. She's doing well in school, still making me laugh. Tonight at dinner she looked at me and said "Kristie, I have to tell you something..." Yes - she did in fact refer to me as Kristie. I looked at her with an obvious face of shock and told her that I was not Kristie, I was mom!!!! To which she replied "So that means I can't call your Kristie anymore?" What the heck?!

Marriage is bliss and it's funny because I really mean that. I couldn't ask for anything more and I couldnt be happier if I had mapped it out myself.

God is good and prayer is therapy for the soul...

A new kind of life

2009-08-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

Cameron is 6 weeks old today! Time has flown which is amazing considering how the nine months of pregnancy seemed to pass at snails speed. He's smiling and cooing and his personality is starting to show along with the leaps and bounds of his growth.

Grace had her best day yet at school today. It's been a challange to get into the "groove" of her new school but one that I am very blessed to have crossed paths with. We're learning a whole new way of parenting and while I don't think we were doing a bad job before, we're definently on the right track now.

Maddie is loving Kindergarden, she's so smart and such a great big sister. She's older now and Grace isn't as fun as she used to be. A 4 year old wants to borrow toys, and play with everything you're playing with at the exact same time so... we're also learning patience as two girls, only 18 months apart, can be a bit tiring at times!

Todd and I are wonderful. Sure we have our moments but in the grand scheme of things, this feeling of completeness in our family has brought us together.

Life is good and only getting better.

Happy Birthday

2009-08-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Cameron Joseph! One month old already. Time is passing so quickly that I sometimes want to freeze you so you'll stay exactly the way you are right now. Since that won't work I just get teary eyed from time to time. In just one month you've gone from tiny (well at 8 lbs you weren't so "tiny") and fragile to strong and quite bossy to be honest!

You are so loved. Grace and Madison can't get enough of you. Maddie wants to feed you and love you and watch you sleep. She's such a great big sister. She was the same way when Grace was born and it's the sweetest thing ever. Grace on the other hand wants to lay on you, pinch your toes and bit your hands. All out of love of course!

I find myself wondering who, if either of them, you'll take after. Will you be laid back like Madison or wild like Grace? Will you favor your dad or me when you're older? Left or right handed?

Your eye lashes are getting so long. When you smile big (usually from gas) your dimples show. You have two which you get from your daddy because I only have one. Speaking of smiling... you started smiling for more than just gas, you love laying on the changing table and Aunt Sue and Kennedy gave you a really cool stuffed monkey that's right next to it and you stare at it every time I lay you down.

You get excited when I talk to you which makes me feel like the most special person in world. And if only you could hear the way your daddy brags about you...

You've completed our family and we're so very grateful that you are ours.

Love,

Mom

Wow... Is it really August already?

2009-08-03T05:51:00.000-07:00

So... I know three weeks ago I was praying for time to pass by quickly but now I'd like to put in my request for time to slow down again! (Can I do that? haha) Grace starts school in 9 days, she's going to BIG GIRL school and she reminds me everyday of just how big she is now! Cameron is growing so fast I'm beginning to think someone is sprinkling fertilizer on his butt at night!

Two of my life's major events are happening just weeks from each other! My "baby" is going to school and our first boy was born. I feel overwhelmed and happy all at the same time. Nine days certainly isn't enough time to get into a routine, at least not one that Cameron is going to cooperate with so... I'll be left to my own devices as far as Todd and Grace go. And believe me... getting those two into a routine will be a job all in itself! I've set Grace's bedtime and made it clear that today was "D" day and she had to follow the Big Girl School Rules are they weren't going to let her in! So... today I'll be on a mission to get her some new Big Girl PJ's made just for her bed (yes, she's bee cuddling with Todd & I for almost 3 years!) and a very short bedtime movie that we can watch together. Oddly enough, I'll also be coaxing Daddy to get to bed early because he's been a bit of a night owl lately and needs his beauty rest just as much since he's doing the picking up and dropping off these days!

Wish us luck.... :)

Happy, Happy FRIDAY!

2009-07-31T10:58:00.000-07:00

Cameron is doing great! Growing like a weed which is bittersweet now that I know just how quickly time passed with Grace. I found some old DVD's I'd made when Grace was small and watched them yesterday. My heart was breaking at how "big" she is now and also at just how quickly I'd forgotten those small, babylike features she's now outgrown.

I'm enjoying every minute of my time home with Cameron. He's sleeping more at night and awake more during the day although he is passed out right now!

Life is perfect...

Priceless...

2009-07-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

Cameron holding his daddy's hand minutes after being born.

Grace snuck the camera into her room. This is the one she took before figuring out where to aim the camera!

Life's best form of teenage birthcontrol... sitting in on your sister giving birth when the epidural wears off!

Our first nights with Cameron

2009-07-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

Night No. 1... Cam woke around 2:30 a.m. I was changing his diaper and heard someone in the room. It was Grace all sleepy eyed and hair a complete mess. She was rubbing her eyes and said "Is Baby Cameron ok? His Big Sister is here."

Night No. 2... I put Cameron down after his bottle around 4 a.m. He woke about an hour later and Todd got up to check up on him. When I woke up around 6:30 I found them both passed out, Cameron all snuggled against Todd's chest. They looked perfect together.

Today was a GREAT day. My mom came over to cook, my sisters and Todd's came over too. We spent the day outside in great weather. Grace swam and had a blast. PawPaw Bill and Tess came for a while too. The food was beyond great and I got to have my first drink. Very much a relaxing day!

Miracles... they do happen!

2009-07-17T15:09:00.001-07:00

Cameron Joseph Lancon has finally arrived! 8 lbs, 21.5 inches and absolutely perfect. I have nothing to complain about (yay!)... so if I start moaning and groaning in a week or two - remind of how much I wanted this time to come!

He's beautiful and easy going and beautiful and happy and beautiful! :)

Visit kimiskreations.blogspot.com to see his very first picture!

Pregnant today...

2009-07-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

I went outside earlier and walked around for a bit. Finally I got fed up, stripped off my pants and put my very large body in the pool and read a few chapters of my book. When I got bored with that I waded around, did a few squats and then got out.

Cam is taking his time, 11 days until the official due date and it looks like thats what he's got his mind set on!

I'm looking out of the front door right now and it is SO hot outside that if my plants had voices, they'd be screaming right now.

Todd's picking up Lulu today, then doing some grocery shopping. Thank goodness because I have been so hungry these last few days that I'd probably buy one of everything in the store!

Time for the sun to go to down... I'm ready to walk off some of this boredom!

That damn frog!

2009-07-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

A frog the size of a pecan has been croaking outside for the last three hours! I finally had enough and decided to go outside and hunt him/her down! I unrolled the water hose and sprayed it in every direction the croaking sound echoed. FINALLY I spotted him on the side of the pool. I sprayed him and he stopped. Just as I walked inside he started again. I repeated the hose drill, he stopped, I waited 5 minutes and came back in. 10 minutes later, he started up again. This went on for three more trips. Finally I spent 10 whole minutes spraying him directly until he was in the middle of the pool and started looking tired. I thought for sure we were through...

That damn frog is at it again. He's very, very brave and I, in my very pregnant glory, am on the verge of jumping in the pool and pulling his legs off of his little body! Seriously - this is so NOT funny anymore.

It's like he's egging me on. He starts then just when I have had enough he stops for a few minutes then starts again. I could continue to spray him but unless I actually kill the poor thing, he'll keep swimming to the side and eventually start croaking again.

I am desperately hoping he achieves whatever it is that frogs achieve with all that freaking noise!

What's going on!?

2009-07-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

I'm going crazy and through every bit of my own doing! I thought for sure Cameron would have made his arrival by now. The doctor's "inspection" as my friend Sue called it seemed to be promising of early labor. All the signs seemed to be aboard and now... a week and a half later there is still no baby to hold and kiss and smell! Todd and Grace are just as crazy with anticipation as I am. Todd asked me yesterday if I was going to keep him up all night again, said he's been sleeping with one foot in the bed and one of the floor ready to grab the bags for the hospital at any minute.

I'm tired of being anxious and waiting for a contraction or some sign of labor. I have tried everything under the sun to keep my mind busy. I have cleaned my house from one side to the other for the 15th time. I have packed, unpacked and repacked mine and Cam's bags at least 3 times. I've caught up on everything at the office and there is nothing for me to do there short of starting some new project which I am not motivated to do. I bought a new book and stopped reading out of frustration at chapter two.

I just don't know what else to do. I don't know how to be graceful and patient. I'm tired of "whinning" beleive me I hate doing it as much as everyone else hates hearing it but I simply do not know what else to do!

My mom left for Arkansas this morning and as much as I dont want her to miss Cam's birth I also don't think I can take another day of this!

Anyway... I really have nothing better to talk about!

For Free!

2009-07-05T07:31:00.000-07:00

Two kids. Female. Ages 5 (going on 18) and 4 (going on 30). Cuteness outweighs their demandingness and fighting on most days.

Status

2009-07-02T07:16:00.000-07:00

Doctor said everything looked good. I'm 3 cm along. While I had every intention of begging him to make me go into labor after waiting for an hour and a half (he had two deliveries) and seeing his tired face when he finally came into the room I decided to wait although tears did make there way into the room. He said it could be any day now or it could very well not be until my due date.

With that in mind... I have given up on willing Cameron to come into the world when I'm ready. I'll resign to letting him do his own thing and be patient. He'll make his way here when he's good and ready.

On the plus side I haven't gained any wieght in 3 weeks. Maybe Beth was just tired and didnt feel like fooling with the scale - no telling. She usually likes to round up and add a extra ounce or two so I was way suprised when it hadnt gone up, in fact it went down 2 lbs.

HAPPY early 4TH OF JULY to everyone! Be safe and have lots of fun ~

Today...

2009-07-01T07:16:00.001-07:00

I go to the doctor today at 3:15 and I have every intention of BEGGING him to do whatever is necessary to make me go into labor. I am absolutely ready and can't hang in anymore!

Keep your fingers crossed!

Patience is a virtue?

2009-06-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

I am trying so very hard to be patient and wait until my turn on July 24th to bring Cameron into this world. However, patience has never been one of my best qualities. I like to pre-plan everything, prepare way ahead of time and arrive everywhere 10-20 minutes early, etc. I am the woman who sets the alarm for 5 a.m. when I have to go out of town early in the morning and the wake once every hour checking to make sure I didnt oversleep. When I was living in Franklin and had to drive back and forth to Lafayette for work, I set my alarm for 4 a.m. every morning so I could get up and turn my hot rollers on so they would be hot when I re-woke at 5 a.m. I am a stickler about being on time. My office hours changed about 8 months ago and I dont have to be work until 9 but I'm here between 8:15 and 8:30 unless I really just don't feel good.

Anyway... I know this is something that I can't rush or come to early but I am ready. I'm bored and I feel like life is passing by because I have overwhelmed myself with anxiousness and anticipation. Seriously, it seems like only yesterday we told everyone we were pregnant and now I'm on the daily countdown.

I started having a few contractions this morning but they stopped and fly away after about two hours. Seriously, that was not a nice trick to play on a pregnant in this kind of heat. I was almost to the point of promising God I'd go at it without the epidural!

I'm just ready to hold him, and to introduce him to his daddy and his two beautiful big sisters. I'm ready to sit outside with the kids playing and not feel like I'll have a heat stroke at any minute. I'm ready to be able to get out of bed without feeling like I need a wench to hoist me out. I'm ready to be able to get out of the bath tub without having to strain every muscle in my entire big body. I'm ready to have a drink, a really strong one, on the back patio with Todd talking about anything but how miserable I am! I miss the days of talking on the back patio about anything and everything. Oh, being able to paint my toes and shave properly will be pretty nice too!

The Nair Commercial...

2009-06-26T22:50:00.001-07:00

If they really wanted me to buy Nair they should try adding at least one "normal" looking person to their commerical. Seriously, it's hair remover not disappearing cellulite cream and "promise to make your legs look good in short shorts" cream! Not one person on that damn commercial has given birth or ate a piece of chocolate. And yes, I know that motherhood doesn't mean you have to be overwieght and frumpy... after my first baby I got into the best shape of my life but my legs still did NOT look that good!

It almost pisses me off to see those ten women dancing around on the screen these days! :) Yeh... I suppose I'm a little jealous. Maybe I won't eat that fudge bar after all!

Dear Grace

2009-06-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to tell you how much I love you today. You woke up this morning, rolled over and put your arm around my neck. Daddy was already dressed for work and came to kiss you goodbye, you told him you didnt want him to leave and when he said he had to go to work you said "will you dress me first?" Daddy's girl or what!? Of course, he said yes and in one swift swoop you jumped up and grabbed on and off ya'll went.

We left for school and talked about the sun which you still confuse with the moon from time by saying "the moon is in my eyes." Thankfully, Nana bought you some really cool shades and they help to keep the moon and sun out of your eyes. We kissed goodbye and summer camp and we were both off to start our day. I stopped on the way to pick you up and got you a snack before gymnastics. You never remember what you did during the day although you must know by now that it's the first question I'll ask you, right after asking if you missed me!

We cooked dinner and then went outside to play, you helped me weed the flower beds, you mopped the front drive way and rode your tractor back and forth between Kimi's. When we were done illegally watering the flowers, we went for a walk around the neighborhood. Neither of us lasted very long, I was thnakful when you said your legs hurt first because with this big belly... I was tired after the first block!

After baths and dinner we got into bed to watch a show about gymnastics and talked for a little big. You had to switch sides with me because you couldnt see over my belly. :)

A few funny things I never want to forget...

You call pony tales "penny's"

You call cups "cup-its" ( I have no idea where this came from)

If you don't like something I say or do, you tell me I'm being rude.

You were spiderman for Halloween this year and for almost three months straight you wore spiderman "panties"

You love watching House.

Your daddy helped you perfect saying the Pledge of Alligence.

You LOVE to sing and will sing about anything. You sing about what you're doing, if your happy or sad or mad.

Everytime we go to the store you ask for a new pair of shoes, even at the grocery store!

The last time I brought you to work with me, you painted your toes and fingers with permanent marker!

You kiss my belly everyday and say hi to Baby Cameron.

You fight with Maddie all weekend then cry when she leaves and ask for her everyday until she comes back.

So... at the end of day, I love you and I am proud of you and you make me want to be a better person. I'm glad God picked me to be your mommy.

Happy Anniversary!

2009-06-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

June 23rd marked our 2 year wedding anniversary. What a well traveled road it has been! I'm usually pretty good at holidays, I'd celebrate the third Friday of the month if something "special" happened on that day but lately I've been a little off and very not on top of my game. Todd took the prize this year, hands down. He told me first this morning, I'm usually first to say it and selfishly liked being first, ha. He planned for Lulu to go to Nana's, Brandi picked her up this afternoon.

Did you know that Cotton was the traditional gift for the second anniversay? I had no clue! He did his homework and bought me some brand new sheets because I haven't really liked our old one's since being pregnant. Yep, really high thread count sheets. He bought me a new book because I'm almost done with the old one and the best card I'll ever get!

I've been craving a burger from the casino so he offered to take me there, my butt is too big and too uncomfortable for the ride at this point so we opted for local and had dinner at Bonsia downtown. It was quiet, fast and really good!

Our years together get better and better. I'll have big shoes to fill next year!

Favorites

2009-06-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

Color: Green
Food: Sushi (for the moment)
Resturant: Shinto
Drink: Cape Cod
Sport: Baseball
Day: Sunday
Season: Spring
Time: Late afternoon
Passtime: Being around friends
Hobby: Writing/Reading
Subject: English
Candy: Skittles
Ice Cream: Neopolitan
Flower: Gerber Daisy
Superhero: Superman
Shoes: Comfy wedges
Feature: Eyes
Romantic Memory: Dancing in the living room at the old house with Todd
Crazy Memory: Tandy's and I drive back from the camp in 2004
Family Memory: Our last family trip to Biloxi
Elementary School Memory: Punching that little boy in the nose the last day of school for pulling my hair!
Gradeschool Memory: First day of 6th grade when I met Lacie
Highschool Memory: Toilet papering for the first time
Motherhood Memory: 1) When Maddie dubbed me "CC" and the 1st time Grace called me "mama"
Actress: Drew Barry Moore & Sandra Bullock
Actor: Will Smith
Movie: Patch Adams, Pursuit of Happiness
Song: I will survive
City: New Orleans

Who's your daddy?

2009-06-22T07:32:00.001-07:00

While is was way too HOT yesterday, it was a really great day at our house! Todd and the girls got in the pool early, J and Sue came over with Kennedy (Sue and I are both pregnant and due in a few weeks). I think the boys really got to enjoy their day. I even made banana pudding and chocolate pie.

Just a few things the girls and I are grateful for...

~"Daddy" is not just a name for Todd, it is the thing he takes most pride in. He's goes above and beyond and it shows in how much Grace and Madison love him.

~ The days that he takes them to hit balls at the driving range or to play basketball (he's the only one that ever has his little girl tagging along)

~ The way he has to call Grace when goes to Nana's and then gets upset if she's too busy to talk

~ The way he makes me laugh and drives me nuts all at the same time - most of all, the way he is patient with me when I need it most and his ability to let me vent and not fight back just because he can

~ While I don't care for his over-the-top, manic cleaning spree's I do appreciate that he does laundry, vacuums and empties the dishwasher

~ He dresses the girls in the mornings and takes turns bringing them to school

~ He regularly offers me "ME" time

~ Although it's been a while... he's a really good kisser too :)

~ He's provided more than I could ever ask for

The list does go on... we've got a lot to be thankful for and baby Camerom will be just as proud of his daddy as the rest of us are!

Can it get any hotter!?

2009-06-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how much more of this heat I can take. I look out the window and feel my body temp rising. Two steps out of the front door and I get a sunburn! My flowers are wilting, I have a collection of 200 or so dried up worms on the front driveway and my grass is starting to turn yellow.

I got her to brush my hair a little longer!

2009-06-18T16:56:00.000-07:00

So... one of my favorite things is to have my hair brushed. Espeically lately, almost feels like being pampered. Grace usually asks if she can brush my hair but it's more like a 20 minute session of her getting the brush stuck in my hair or shoving different barrets or bobby pins into my scalp. (you take what you can get and the occassional few strokes that feel good are worth it). Tonight I was able to strike a deal with her, she got to spray my hair with detangler if she actually brushed it for me.

Her lite up like a christmas tree at the thought of being able to use the spray bottle and not get into trouble!

He brought me a bowl of popcorn but I wanted a back rub!

2009-06-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the bathroom feeling sorry myself because I'm pregnant and Todd's not! My back really, really hurts and he's an idiot because he doesn't offer to rub it. I want flowers, I want flowers and a thank you for being pregnant and for bringing his first son into this world, the very first Lancon boy. I want to hear thank you, and I want my feet rubbed and I want a sweet note that says something only a good husband could say because he adored his wife. And my thoughts go on and on about how he just doesn't get it. I make my way to the sofa, Grace fell asleep (thank goodness because she was a pill tonight). He goes into the kitchen and later emerges with a bowl of popcorn just for me. I'm craving chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream, not salty popcorn. I politely decline and then think he's not so bad after all. Even though popcorn was the last thing I wanted, at least he thought about me! :)

Today...

2009-06-16T11:13:00.001-07:00

In general, it has been a fairly unremarkable day. My stomach hurts, my ass hurts, my legs hurt! Whew... glad I got that off my chest.

Work is... well, something I have to do. I've spent so much time preparing for maternity leave that I have everything caught up, even the stuff I usually hate to do. Every part of my office is organized. Part of me wants to go home but I'll just be bored there too. It's way to hot to be outside so playing in the yard is out of the question. I thought of getting in the pool but then remembered that would require me getting into a swimsuit so I decided against it.

I've had to change my bra three (3) times today! Third one was not a charm either. It's still uncomfortable and aggravating. If my boobs get any bigger, the parish will have to assign them their very own zip code.

On a happier note, yesterday was a pretty good day even for a Monday. I went to Macy's yesterday during my lunch break, racked up on a few sale items. While depressed about buying more maternity clothes with only 38 days to go, I was happy that at least I didnt have to pay full price. After work, I went home, changed into something comfy and made my wobbly way over to Kimi's and proceeded to bug she and Holly. Glad I went. Grace got home not long after, we grabbed dinner, then came home to walk around the neighborhood a few times and when we were done she bugged Holly and Kimi and watering the flowers with them. I think she watered each of us at some point too. Todd watched the LSU game and it was a relatively quiet evening.

It's funny how the measuring bar for good days changes as you get older and grow up!

Patience? Where has my flown away to?

2009-06-14T12:26:00.000-07:00

If I hear "Mommy" one more time I think I just may pull all of my hair out. Went to a friends camp last night just to get away, it was nice and quiet. Todd grilled, we watched Free Willy and Grace and I built houses with blocks. We drove in this morning, only about a 30 minute drive and I promise you that every 3 minutes Grace said my name and when I didn't answer promptly enough she followed with "Mommy, can I ask you something?" Or "Mom, why are you being rude?" I do love that child but sometimes she knows just how to push my buttons!

Thinking of Cameron...

2009-06-11T13:35:00.001-07:00

My "work" day is done but I haven't left the office yet. No use in going home for 30 minutes, we have gynmastics tonight so I figured I'd write a little more.

While I have always had more male friends than female, the thought of having a boy scares me a little. I have twin sisters 10 years younger than myself, and two girls of my own. I've never raised a boy before and my husband isn't exactly trained so what does that tell you?! (haha)

Seriously though, everyone says boys are easier. They'll be less dramatic, less frilly and don't require as much as girls. But then again I was a Tomboy and my youngest is a Tomboy and neither account was less of anything when compared to girly-girl!

In just 43 days I'll be a mother of three! Two girls and a boy and I can't hlep wondering if I'll be good at it. Will Cameron love me as much as my girls. Will I be good at taking care of him and giving him what he needs, I was always so confident with Grace and Maddie.

Then there's dancing, gymnastics, basketball, t-ball? How do you fit it all in? I know people do it all of the time but seriously... do you have a secret power or even a secret addiction for that matter? Taking two kids to a restuarant is like a circus act, soon we'll be three! We should charge restuarants for having us over for entertainment.

I think about crazy stuff like how we're all going to fit in the car with all of our bags for vacations? How will we determine who sits in the far back seat of the car since I have bucket seats on the second row? The bathroom the kids share is very much designed for a girl... when do I have to change that to something nuetral? What will Todd do the first time Maddie and Grace dress Cam up in a fairy costume? He had no problem with Grace being spiderman for Halloween this year but he may think differently when the tables are turned.

How will yet another new family member effect Maddie? Will she be ok? Will she know how important she is and that there is no competition?

Two weddings to pay for, possibly three. Three sets of college tuition all within a few years of each other. Three first cars (used for sure!)... so much to think about!

And then theres.... the kids to love, teach and learn from. I love Maddie and Grace so much that I'm excited about meeting Cam and loving him just the same. I can't wait to see his face and his feet and his hands and especially his nose. Todd's nose is my favorite part of him and I wonder if Cam will have the same nose.

I guess in the end there is much to think about but there will also be so much more to love and so many more memories to make and cherish!

My day is finished!

2009-06-10T19:34:00.001-07:00

My house is CLEAN! I finally dusted every piece of wood in this house of mine and the floors and bathrooms are cleaned. This may be the last time I do it before this baby born so I'm enjoying it right now!

Todd took the girls to play at a friends house and I got to enjoy the afternoon with two of my favorite people... Tash and Kimi.

The weather was so nice I even got to weed one of my front flowerbeds. Now Grace is sleeping with her legs draped across my lap, Maddie just passed out watching Disney channel and Todd just kissed my forehead and said he was going to lay in bed too.

Oh... doctor appointment went well. Baby Cam is doing great, growing by the minute (and I can feel it because those little kicks aren't so little anymore). Doc confirmed that this baby would be bigger than Grace for sure! Thanks Doc... nice way to help me make through the next 6 weeks. Now I get to look forward to popping out a frickin award winning sized watermelon! Seriously, I wouldn't have complained about planting a seed, watering and watching it grow!

Happy Hump Day everyone and have a great night!

~ Our Family Adventure ~

2009-06-10T12:15:00.001-07:00

Headed for Insectarium & Aquarium!

Maddie got to pet a SHARK!

... And Grace tried taking a Seahorse home!

Our Family Picture!

Monday... Part II

2009-06-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

20 or so minutes after posting about how great my day was Grace jumps in the pool and instead of landing in the water... her chin landed on the bricks! Nice little triangle shaped gash right under the chin. Maddie (having just got stitches in the same place 3 weeks ago) started asking if Grace was bleeding, did she need to go to the hospital, did she need stitches, was it going to stop bleeding!? Wrapped everyone up in towels and headed inside. Todd was on his way home and wouldn't be home for another 10 minutes so we headed over to Kimi's to have her give a second opinion. Todd got home and we all agreed that while it probably could've taken a stitch or two... it would have traumatized Grace more than helped.

She was brave though. Her eyes were the size apples with everyone around looking at her. Bandaids, Neo and a tsp of Motrin later she was passed out after her long day at camp and sleep all night long.

Looked great this morning!

Thanks for a good day!

2009-06-08T15:08:00.001-07:00

Up at 6 a.m., put the cereal bowls out, picked up the blankets from the couch, started the dishwasher then off to wake the girls. Thankfully there was no fuss about waking up and only a small amount of arguing. Packed lunches, girls picked out their snacks and drinks and stuffed blankets into their backpacks. Off to dress myself and then kisses for everyone as we're off to start our day. Todd kissed me and lingered for a while, made me realize that I really miss him lately. Being pregnant has been a change for both of us.

Work presents a pretty good day, busy and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. I left the office for lunch today. Stopped at Albertson's to grab some fruit and stuff for the week for dinner. I decided to try a new recipe, Brown Sugar Chicken, it didnt take long to put together. It's a crock pot meal so I chopped and put it all together for lunch then sat down for a sandwich before heading back to the office.

Finished everything on my to-do list then off to pick up the girls from Camp. They had a GREAT day and didn't argue at all (according to them). We were supposed to have dinner with a friend but they wanted to swim so we postponed (good thing I put something cooking). Got home, fixed them some fresh fruit for snack, and now they're PLAYING, not fighting, in the pool. Hopefully they'll be nice and worn out and will go to bed early since we've got to get up and be at the school at 6:45 for the field trip.

Dinner smells great! I'll post the recipe because if it tastes half as good as it smells you'll want to try it!

I'm proud of what I accomplished today and of my mood in particular as I tried extra hard to practice patience and be nice. :)

Hope someone else had a good Monday too.

My day with the Girls.

2009-06-07T18:12:00.000-07:00

So... I took Grace and Madison to Gonzales to the Outlet Mall to shop for much needed summer clothes. Usually I can get by handing Maddie's down to Grace but not this year. Maddie's grown so fast that it'll take Grace's boy two years to catch up. Compared to some of out trips today was actually a really good one. Grace is my handful though. Old Navy was first, great sales fortunately. While gathering clothes in Madison's section of the store I have to keep yelling for Grace every few minutes who is in turn asking (more like yelling) if she can hAve one of everything she walks past. At one point she had her shoes off and was trying on one of every pair of the shoes in the isle. At first I was going to fuss but then I realized that she was being very quiet and Maddie and I could actually look for clothes. Had the baskets been big enough I would have loaded ours up with shoes and put Grace right in the middle just so Madison and I could walk around and look. Clothes in hand, we make our way to the dressing room. I watch Madison fight with her pair of shorts for literally 10 minutes. She couldnt get them off and all because she did not want to unbotton them. Finally, in an exhausted state she looked at me and asked if I could help her. I said "sure" why don't you unbotton them like we had to do in the last place? She did, then looked at me with this look of amazement and said "WOW, that made it easy!" I couldn't help but laugh. Meanwhile, Grace has completely stripped herself of all clothes. I guess she thought we were trying on panties too! All together we probably spent 30 minutes in the dressing room alone.

We made 14 bathroom stops and NO, I am not kidding. I started counting after the forth potty request. I have always been very proud of their early potty training but today I would have been just fine with pull-ups.

Tomorrow is their first day of summer camp together. We have their clothes picked out and ready to go and the lunch bags waiting on the counter. They get to pick everything else in the morning. I am very interested to see how the morning this week will go.

All in all it has been a good day, we're all still very ready for Cameron to be here. I more than anyone as I have what seems like a permanent cramp and burning sensation in back and now that I'm nearing the end (not near enough) the kicks and summersaults are much more noticable now. And to be honest, I am just plain tired of dealing with my own moodiness!

~Dear God... thank you for another day, for the time well spent with Grace and Maddie, for all that Todd did this weekend and if you're not too busy later, would you check into the possibility of this baby coming sometime next week? Maybe a very well developed and ready baby, I'm good with anything around 7 lbs. :) ~ME~

Being pregnant... today.

2009-06-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

Going crazy with anxiousness, I have about 50 days to go. Although I spent much time complaining, this has been a pretty easy pregnancy as I've had no complications and baby Cameron seems to be growing and developing just fine.

However, in addition to his growing little body... so is my very big body. I'm nearly freaking out at the fact that I will gain about 8 more pounds before this over and to be honest I am not quite sure where those additional 8 pounds will fit. I am simply out of room. I made the mistake of closely inspecting myself in the mirror last night, actually, it was by accident but then turned into an hour long inch by inch check of my boobs, belly, butt and thighs. I spotted the inkling of a stretch mark on my outer thigh and nearly had a heart attack right there in my closet which would have been horrible since I'd made every effort to block both entrances so that no one walked in and saw my very pregnant and almost naked body. Needless to say, I've rubbed down in coco butter lotion four times today. Before long my skin will be so soft stretchy that stretch marks or not, I've blown every chance at having a firm part on my body. Damned if I do, Damned if don't. I don't have time for stretch marks! It'll be trying enough to fit back into my old clothes and dammit I want to fit in those clothes. I'd just gotten comfy in those clothes before finding out I was pregnant, some are still very new! I know that in the grand scheme of things, this miracle of life I'm growing is worth it all but I still want to be me after he's born. At the end of the day when he, Grace and Maddie are asleep in their beds after a long day of playing and smiling, I want to be able to look in my mirror and like my ass again! I'd be pretty darn happy if my husband liked it too although not too much because I'm sure I'll be tired after a day with three kids! :)

I went shopping today with my mom and sisters. It's their 18th birthday and they're going out tonight with a bunch of friends. I swear, I have never been more jealous! I absolutely wanted to try on clothes with them. I wanted to buy those shirts for myself and while I bought two pairs of shoes yesterday I won't even be able to wear them for another 2 months!

I'd really like to have a drink right now too. A rajun bull from Daiquiris would make my day. In the spirit of being a good pregnant mom, I'll prolong that drink and those risky shoes for about 50 more days.

So while my thoughts are of being thinner, having a really strong drink and wearing high heels again... I am doing MY best to be the best for Cameron.

Oh... and Todd has been running everyday, for every inch he loses, I gain. He does look really great but I refuse to tell him so because it sort of pisses me off right now. Granted, I don't want him to be sloppy but come on! Who the hell is he trying to impress?!

Well... enough ranting for today!

Happy birthday B and Nic! I love you so, so much.

The people in my life... Continued

2009-06-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

Allie is my boss' wife. When I met her I was just 20 years-old, green as could be and clueless about many, many things. Tiger took me to lunch to meet her, she was pregnant for Olivia and she was beautiful. Slowly I became a fixture in their lives, started with babysitting every now and then to implanting myself in their family and kind of becoming a third child. Allie taught me alot about life here. About presenting myself well, speaking well and being confident in myself as a whole. She was there for every new boyfriend, every heartbreak, and always offered good advice, she always reminded me that no matter how bad is seemed at that very moment... it would get better. She's a great mom and an amazing friend!

Todd"ler" was part of the Dwayne and Lance group. He was a little bit older than us but most times you couldnt tell! He was our voice of reason and most times the one causing to laugh so hard we cried. A heart of gold, abosolute gold and pretty smart too. He's seen and done it all and enjoyed every minute of it along the way. We've shared so many memories and good times that we could literally write a book based on a six month period of each of our lives and we'd run out of paper and ink! I love him, and I am so happy for him. He finally married his other half and they're due to have a baby in a few months. He's the best dad in the world and an impossibly good husband too!

Paulette has known me my whole life. We got close when I moved back after college and lived next door. She was a rock through my parents divorce, she listened to me and although she heard every possible aspect of the situation, she didn't side. She tried to help me along the way. She's made it to every birthday party and every event in my girls lives. I remember thinking "this is family" when they all showed up in the hospital when Grace was born. I didn't really realize the importance of just being there until that moment. I think a part of my grew up a little more that day. On a personal note, she's a good women and she's spent a lot of time making everyone else comfortable, I think they're all finally grateful and she's finally moved onto to making herself happy and comfortable!

Travis was my first love. I remember riding around with my friend Jeff. Everyone drove the path of the bayouside then around the sonic and back. Circling for hours seemed to make sense back then. On one particular circle Trav and all of his friends were standing around outside their trucks talking. My heart skipped and told Jeff I wanted to meet him. Jeff arranged and a week or so later we were dating. We were inseperable from that moment one and I loved him from that moment on. We shared everything, we were the best team ever made. No matter where I go in life, he will always have a special place in my heart, the first place I ever gave away.

Madison Ann

2009-06-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

Madison came into my life when she was just about 4 months old. The biggest blue eyes you've ever seen and barely there blonde hair. Chubby cheeks and all smiles. She was beautiful and full of love and happiness. Boy was her daddy proud!

Time has flown since that first day and now she's 5 years old. Just as beautiful and smart and funny as ever.

I remember her first pictures with Santa. We were in the mall in Houma, we'd just went clothes shopping, she was in the cutest pair of jeans and a red shirt with candy stripped socks. She was so small compared to Santa. First Easter Bunny picture... same thing, all smiles and no tears.

When she was a baby we lived in a neighborhood that had a pool and park right down the street. She LOVED the water. The slide was our favorite and picking flowers from the clover patches. Looking back, it seemed so easy and carefree then. Time seemed so still.

This child is fierce, she looks at everything with amazement and enthusiasm. Watching her grow-up is bittersweet, she's changes more and more everyday and since she lives with her mom and visits her daddy and I, we don't get to see everything.

When we brought Grace home from the hospital Madison was 18 months old. She loved her little sister and she was great with her. She held her and loved her. Much more then than now, haha... Grace is rambuncious and crazy and while it drives Maddie nuts, she's still a great big sister and she's patient most of the time.

She is so loved by her Daddy. She is his world and more. It's funny to hear him talk of his plans for her, where he thinks she'll want to go to college, how he won't let her date until after highschool, whether she'll be a cheerleader or tom boy. She mad him a man, she made him a good man.

At Random...

2009-06-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

1. Favorite color is Green.
2. Favorite song is Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.
3. Favorite movie is Pretty Woman.
4. Favorite cake is strawberry with white icing. (hooked since the birthday Missy made it for me. Now I bake it for other peoples birthdays just so I can eat it!).
5. Favorite ice cream flavor is Neopolitan.
6. Favorite food would be a really good rice and gravy.
7. Favorite candy is undecided right now, due to PG it changes daily.
8. Favorite bedtime story is The Three Little Pigs.
9. I love flip flops and comfy jeans.
10. Right now I am looking forward to this time next year when I will have my feet in the sand.
11. Today I am grateful that my husband is who he is.
12. Today I am sad because my sisters are growing too fast.
13. Today I wish I lived closer to my friends.
14. I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
15. I love working in my yard.
16. I love my family.
17. I love the summer time!
18. I love a good glass of wine.
19. I don't like bad drivers.
20. I don't like public ham.
21. I don't like people that brag too much about themselves.
22. I don't like wearing a bra!

My Secrets... Continued

2009-06-02T08:45:00.001-07:00

21. I love my toes.
22. I cheated in French class my Junior year... for every test.
23. I put fake plants in my hanging basket so I'd have color in November.
24. I don't always mop the wood floors under the sofa.
25. No one, including me, will ever know how much weight I gained for baby no. 2.
26. I'd pay anything to be cellulite free.
27. I can't wait to drink a cape cod, a really strong one.
28. I LOVE listening to the radio at full volume when I am in the car alone and the weather is nice.
29. My first CD was Meatloaf, Bat out of Hell.
30. I don't like to cook, espeically from scratch.
31. My favorite dessert is vanilla ice cream and chocolate cake.
32. I have been in love three times in my life.
33. I don't believe in love at first site.
34. I love giraffe's.
35. The sound trains make freaks me out.

The people in my life... Continued

2009-06-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

Rashell and I met about 9 year ago at my first real "job." She didn't think I was smart because I had big boobs! And yes, she actually told me that one day. Funny thinking back on it. We've shared some pretty intense life changing events, for years we didn't talk at all just due to career moves, life changes, husbands, kids, etc. We always seemed to find out way back once each year around her birthday then finally a year and a half ago she came to work in the office I work in and she's become a rock in my life. We can go days without talking even though we're just two doors away from one another but usually around day number 3 one of us comes around to vent. She's the best listener I've ever met, she's know when to offer advice adn when to sit back. She doubts herself way too much but when it needs to count, she knows how important she is. She has a great marriage and fabulous life.
"Jen" and I crossed paths through our husbands about three years ago. Not in the best places of our relationships at the time, we immediately bonded over the "only ifs" of life. Strong is an understatement for what she has endured over the last few years. Three boys, husband, family, moving, etc... she's seen it all and yet no matter what she has always, always be so inviting to the "other" people in her life. She has never been too busy too take on a new problem or help someone else out. It's crazy but it was like the more, the merrier and she handled it all so graciously on the outside. I remember thinking, almost knowing, she had to have been crazy because there is no way a person should be able to smile after dealing with all of that and DOESN'T drink or smoke to boot! Life has done her well, she has a beautiful family and friends who think the world of her to show for it!
Johnny is my brother-in-law and has become more like a brother to me in the very recent years. Like the rest of us, he's had struggles and unlike some, he's been able to beat those struggles and come out on top, a better person. He has been the person to hold his family together, he's kept our kids close and despite the grievances of being brothers, he's always let the past remain where it should... in the past. He hasn't been perfect at all times but he is one that will loved for the good he's done and remembered for the lives he's touched. I would proud to have any one of my three kids grow up to be honorable, loving, forgiving and caring like him. We could all learn alot from him.
Shannon is my sister-in-law. I can't say that we're the best of friends but I can say that she is a friend that most would like to call their "best" friend. She's strong and courageous. She's insightful and she's a very good mother! She's helped through my journay with Todd and his family. She's been there without even knowing it. She is the person that answered the questions that my heart heal. She's always been honest and most of all she's hung on through all of the turmoil and she's forgiven when it was deserved. She's been there to help secure the friendship and the family closeness I prayed for when it came to our children and our family in general. Even with her own kids being grown-up and on their own, she lets my very not grown-up :) kids tag along. She's comes to the parties and she's answers the 1000 questions they each have and she's hasn't stangled one of them yet!
Corey has been in my life for about 6 years. My feelings for him have always been upside down in one way or the other with regard to he and my mom. He's a great man, a very caring and very giving person. Far from perfect but very real. He has become a part of my family and although I miss having my mom and dad together and often dream of what it would be like to go home to my "parents" home, I am grateful that he is the one that has come into our lifes if we couldnt have it the fairytale way. He has been there, although it wasn't always obvious, when each of us needed him. He's been good to me, to each of my sisters, to my mom and most of all to my Grace. He allowed our family to sort of adopt him and he's become "poppy".
Mrs. Chris will always hold a most special place in my heart and my life. This woman has taught me more about the soul that I will ever be able to recount. She is a walking, living, breathing Saint in every essence of the word. I pray that God places her in the most beautiful place in Heaven when it's her time because she will surely deserve it.
Strub was the first real friend I made outside of my elementary school circle. I swear my mom and his dad willed us to get married! Oh the fun we had together. Most people thought he was a little shy at times but he was as far from shy as Adam Sandler. He made me laugh everytime I was with him. He looked out for me, took care of me and made me feel special. We did so much together and even kissed once! I will never forget the day we sat on the bench near the bayou and he told me his dad had cancer, it was one of the saddest days I'd had because it was a moment in time in which I realized we were no longer innocent, shielded kids, we were... adults. My heart hurt for him. I think there were times when he was a better friend to me than I was to him, I seemed to always be trying to "find" myself, he always helped me along the way. We lost touch over the years, his father died not long ago and my heart ached in a way I hadnt felt in a while. I wished I'd been closer to him, been nearer and been a better friend so then when I hugged him, I could have actually been a comfort to him.
Lance oh where do I begin? He was the female version of Tandy in my life although he came along first. Our adventure started in Baton Rouge for the first LSU game I ever went to which happened to his birthday and we got to celebrate it twice because that was also the day the time changed. We danced and drank and I stole his straw hat. We were inseperable since that day, we went out 3 times a week and on the nights we weren't out, we were all cooking and talking about our next adventure. The first time he slept at my place we kissed and realized it wasn't for us. I can't help but smile when I think of him. He came shopping with me, and he always knew what to say and even better, he told me when I looked terrible! I bought him his first Peacoat and he so rocked it! I remember wishing we were "that" way because he looked so good! haha. One night he went home with a chic and the next morning D and I called him and he couldnt remember the girls name... we had to say it for him. I do miss him...
Dwayne and I also started on that fateful day in BR for the LSU game! He's tall and dark and indian and had pipes on the wall in his apartment. He claims to be super neat but he is no where close to it, at least he wasnt back then. I remember actually throwing away the BATH mat that was under the garbage can in his kitchen. I love his mom and his dad and his brothers and always feel like part of the family when I am around. Dwayne knows every important detail of my life, he knows the real me. We never kissed but I do think he accidently touched my boobs once. I had too much to drink one night, cooked a bowl of spaghetti-o's and then went to the bathroom, I guess I didn't come back for a while because he had to carry me from the bathroom to my bedroom and he even left a trashcan for me. Me, Dwayne and Lance lived together in a great house and had way too much fun. D's engaged now and I'm still in shock! He's finally done it and she's beautiful and she makes him smile!

The people in my life.

2009-06-01T11:18:00.001-07:00

my mom has taught me so much about life and love and learning to laugh and about when to let go. She is my bestfriend, my mentor, and sometimes my biggest enemy because she knows me so well. She did such a good job in raising me that I got a little too good at being independant and recently had to find a way back to being the daughter that I so desperately needed to be. I had to remember that she was there for me to see and to forgive my mistakes, to help make important decisions and to listen when I just needed someone to talk to. We are so very different and yet so much the same.

my dad is strong and stubborn and loving and difficult all at the same time. He's taught me so many things, most noteable is my desire to be strong and independant and equal to others. He taught that it was ok to cry and hurt and though he didnt mean to, he also taught me how much damage words and actions can cause and that it is better to think before we speak or act because while people are able to forgive, they rarely forget. My dad is my hero in so many ways and in so many way he is also a student in the game of life.

Nicole was born first of my twin sisters. When she was little she was closest to me. She slept with me every night and hugged me often. She was a small shadow. Turning 18 in 5 days, she is now too big to be hugged or kissed and rarely shows emotion or affection. I suppose the void I feel is similar to that which my felt each time one of her 3 daughters entered adult life. I am so much older and yet so close to my sisters that this part of life seems hurtful and sad because they no longer need me like they used to. Nicole is my my mom and my dad all in one. She has my moms stubborness and my dads temper, she shares my need for independance. This child is comical and hard, sour and sensitive, creative and beautiful - and she has no clue how much potential she has, nor how much admiration I hold for her.

Brandi is the second twin. She has a gold and fragile heart. She's quick to love, help and forgive even at her own expense sometimes. She has become much of bestfriend in the last two years. She too has no clue how strong she really is and doesnt trust herself as much as she should although I must say that she is coming around. I don't know who she's like when compared to my mom and dad, she seems so different from both. She prefers peace over confrontation and would rather be put down than make a scene just to make a point. I admire that in her. She's smart and lacks some common sense but knows how to navigate her way around. She's beauty all in itself. I am proud of the young woman she has become.

Todd is my love and hate, my happiness and sorrow, my rock and my nitch. He has become my everything. I read that "you will grow tired of everyone, rather its a question of who you tire from the least." I've never beleieved that each person only has one love, so this is rather suiting for me. Todd is the person that I choose to love, like, fight with, make-up with, suprise, laugh with, and look out for. He is my husband. He accepts me for me (most of the time). He really has become my bestfriend, he knows me so well now. He knows when to love and when to let go, he knows when to smile and when turn away. He knows what to say and when to be silent. He knows how to hold me. He knows how to be patient. It has taken us years of practice and hard work, ups and downs but we finally have it. We finally know that this is our life and we are to make of it whatever we'd like. I know that where ever it is... I want it to be with him.

Lacie and I have known each other since 4th grade. We have shared so much since those days of terrible cafateria food, crappy lesson plans and meaningless arguements. Lacie knows me better than anyone else, she really does know my every secret and truly is the only person to know such information about me. Lacie is one of a kind and has been the best I could have ever asked for. We drive each other nuts from time to time, although we've never thought alike, we've softened over the last few years with babies, husbands, a real life responsibilities. We've shared every big moment together and even when our paths seperate for a while, we always find a way back. It'll never quite be the same as it was in the "ole days" but it'll always be just as good for the memories will always withstand the test of time.

Jamie was a college friend, met at random but one person that I will never forget. She was the true definition of "friend." Everyone to have shared time with her should consider themselves lucky. We made a good team, we went together like cake and ice cream and we knew it. Although we were very different, we were also much the same. Our friendship ended too soon but she will always be a person that I admire and love.

Tandy ... well there are no proper words to describe our relationship. We decided we liked each other based on an opinion we shared about meaningless sex. A month later she saved me from a school of jelly fish on a beach in Biloxi. We've been inseparable since then and I trust her with everything I have. She is my exact opposite, there is seriously no other person on this entire earth that more unlike me. We talk, work, love, parent and think differently and it works. It works better than most things.

Missy and I met randomly through Todd. We were both expecting the worst and ending up seeing that it wasn't so bad. I'm very opinionated and picky, and extreme and difficult and Missy shares a lot of those same traits as well. We're complicated beyond most people's comprehension, most notably that of our husbands and sometimes our children. We don't get together often and to be honest, we don't really know a whole lot about each other. I don't know her favorite color or food, the name of her highschool or how old she was when she lost her virginity but I do know that she's genuine and exquisite and a really great friend. She was there for me I knew no where else to turn and best of all, she was honest and truthful and blunt. I admire that she is who is with no exceptions. She is an example of how women should regard themselves.

Natasha is my highschool best friend's sister. We really "met" in college, my freshman and her sophmore year. Boy did we have some good times! She introduced me to good ole ameretto sour to which in return I threw up at the bar while she held my hair and to this day can not stomach the smell of to save my life. Another one with too many opinions and a low tolerance for BS, haha. She's strong and steady but sometimes forgets how important she is and that her day in glory is coming. I really beleive that she will be one of the luckiest among us when it comes to love and family. She's been so great for us, and when it is her time, it'll be just right and perfect.

Kimi is my neighbor and my daughters new best friend. Its funny because the first time I met Kim, I didn't think she was friendly because she didn't really say "hi"... then out she came one afternoon with her camera in tow and we've implanted ourselves into her life ever since that day. She's become a friend I didn't even realize I needed. I am so grateful to that camera of hers because in the end, had it not been for my wild child who runs around the front yard in her panties and chases poor Darla, Kimi would have had no reason to be interested in us just like we don't really hold interest with anyone else in the neighborhood. She visits just when I need a good coversation the most and she even keeps snacks around for Grace because afterall, snacks are always better when they're coming from the neighbors house! SO ARE THE PICTURES OF MY FAMILY! :)

to be continued as time permits...

Monday... already?

2009-06-01T08:28:00.001-07:00

Happy Monday to all! It was a quiet, fun and seemingly long weekend. I had sushi and a glass of wine with a great friend that included some much needed adult conversation and hanging out which I haven't enjoyed so much since being pregnant. A four hour trip to visit Todd's brother with both girls who, I swear to you, talked the entire trip and at some points tried out-singing each other. The night was followed by dinner with family at the Hibachi grill which I normally love but after such a long day, was more than ready to get it over with. Sunday was spent relaxing by the pool with the girls and a good book. Into bed early and today was Grace's first day of summer camp! She was so, so excited about the whole ordeal. I am so proud of her.

Baby Cameron is moving more than ever. I'm betting on soccer or something along those lines. I am so ready for him to be here. Each afternoon I remind myself to be patient and dwell on the fact that he needs more time to grow and develope but again... I am soooo ready for his arrival. I'm quite tired of being pregnant and I have so much to do and I can't do any of it while pregnant. I need to clean the garage (my way) I want to organize the attic and I need to put my home office in order. Sure, Todd could help with all of these things but it wouldnt be my way and some of my things would get thrown away so it's best done by me the first time.

Anyway... only about 52 days to go so I am counting down to the day I become a mother for the third time in all and the first as a mother to a baby boy!

Happiness... as defined by ME

2009-05-26T12:42:00.001-07:00

Happiness is the loving the unknown of each day, the uncertainty of each promise and accepting each as they for what they are.

Happiness is hearing Grace and Madison laugh. Seeing Todd smile. Watching my sisters grow-up to be the people they want to be. Watching my parents become their own people again aside from raising kids. Meeting up with friends to talk about life. Every doctor's appointment filled with good news about the new baby. Waking up each morning.

Happiness is family and smiles and pain and love and heartbreak. Happiness is knowing that no matter how bad my day is... I still have so much to be thankful for.

Happiness lies in the ability to look for at least one thing to be happy for and when you have a hard time finding that one thing you can always remind yourself that you're still here and breathing and that alone is enough to be happy about!

My secrets...

2009-05-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the book I'm currently reading (I'd tell you the title but my daughter stole the book and ran away with it!)

1. I don't like reading serious books. I prefer light-hearted, relatable books.
2. My pinky toe and fingers are slightly crocked.
3. I don't think all babies are cute.
4. I've always wanted to be a teacher and a cosmotologist!
5. I hate panty hose.
6. I don't think people with fat ankles should wear flat shoes and for this reason everyone should own a full length mirror.
7. I'd fill my flower beds with fake flowers if I didnt think people would notice. (bright pink gerber daisies in the middle of winter might draw a little attention).
8. I love to write.
9. I was 22 years old the first time I got drunk.
10. My first and purest love was Travis Clements.
11. My most memorable kiss was Brennan Gravois.
12. I still miss living with Dwayne and Lance from time to time. They were the best roommates.
13. I've always wanted to write a children's book.
14. Todd's nose is my favorite part.
15. I steal my favorite pens from the office.
16. The rice dressing most people think I make from scratch starts from a box!
17. I once dried Todd's blue jeans (they shrink in length when dried) on purpose because he dried one of my favorite shirts and I couldn't wear it anymore.
18. I love Candy Apples from the fair!
19. I'm a closet smoker.
20. I still think my husband is sexy but I don't tell him as often as I think it because I'm all big, round and pregnant! (selffish, I know!)

To be continued...

Oh and the name of the book is Can you keep a secret?

Oh silent night!

2009-05-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

So... last night Grace slept at her Nana's and Todd was fishing. It was the first time I've had the house to myself for the entire night in probably three years! It was boring at first but then I wisened up and took advantage of it! I watched Seven Pounds which I though was great and then I read a few chapters of my new book. I fell asleep around 11:00 and slept until 8:30 this morning. Can I just say WONDERFUL! I haven't slept that well in a year. I feel like a new women today.

Still ready as ever for Baby Cameron to make his way into this world although I'm not quite as anxious as I had been. Seeing him in the ultrasound and knowing that he's growing and developing well put my mind at ease. Funny how we worry more for baby no. 2!

Looking forward to the long weekend... Hope everyone else has a good one too!

Today's Ultrasound

2009-05-20T17:48:00.000-07:00

Today I had an ultrasound at the training center. It was really great to see how much he's grown in 10 weeks. While they assured me that the measurements may be off, according what we got today, Baby Cameron weighs 4.6 lbs which means... he's going to be a very healthy baby! Either that or I am little further along than we expected!
The pictures were so clear. No mistake, it's a boy and he's rather active. He kicked and moved everytime the Tech pressed on my belly. He espeically likes to dig his heel (or some part of his body) into my left side. He catches me by suprise sometimes as if to say 'Look out mom, I'm getting ready!"

2009-05-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

SO MUCH TO LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE!

Lucky me and my great husband!

2009-05-20T08:41:00.002-07:00

Original post date: 5/19/2009

Pregnant, emotional, overly dramatic... to describe myself on a good day. I've invested a great deal of time in trying to be good at the things I do. I am and I love being a mother, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. I also love being a wife although sometimes I take being married for granted, almost as if it's just another role in life wherein it comes with the kids and the in-laws, etc. But... it is so much more than that. I've realized that I have more than a lot to be thankful for when it comes to my marriage... I have everything to be thankful for. I really do have a great husband. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, even a few tornado's but at the end of the day he is the man I want to spend all of the other days with... he is my "forever." We argue, fuss, pick-on each other and most days we drive each other nuts but he does love me. And lord knows he has to put up with and deal with way more as my husband than I do as his wife! It's harder to tolerate me than I'd like to admit but he does and oddly enough - he very rarely complains, especially in relation to how much complaining I do! I know that in a week from now I'll be mad at him but that's all a part of marriage. I don't believe in one true love. I beleive that one day we fall for someone and it's up to us to decide whether or not that person is the person we want to do forever with. Wwen we say I do... it's not just to the honeymoon and the good days, its to all of the above and all of the below! Its to getting fat, raising kids differently, hating some of each others friends, bad breath, terrible hair cuts... and it's also I do to loving you even when I'm not in love with you and it's vowing to always do whatever is possible to fall back in love. When I'm not strong, Todd is strong for both of us. When I'm stubborn, he becomes the bigger person and helps me along the way. I hate that he thinks I'm messy because I'm not but then again... maybe my version of messy and his are just too different things. So... in the end, I love my husband and I am so, so lucky to have him.

I love...

2009-05-20T08:41:00.001-07:00

Original Post date: 5/12/2009

Picking my next good read based on the cover alone. The smell of cupcakes baking. When Todd cooks dinner. Watching Grace snap 50 times a day because she just learned how. Feeling the baby move. Watching my sisters grow into beautiful women. Knowing that I have the best mom in the world. The color green. My husband. Watering my flowers on breezy afternoons. Yesterday's sunset. Watching the way my dad interacts with Grace and Maddie. Hearing Todd talk about teaching his son to "pee" outside. The fact that I'll get to have a real drink in 10 weeks. :) Getting massages and painting my toes red. Long baths with a good book when Grace can't find me! Knowing that I had a really great childhood. Rearranging furniture. MY LIFE.

My bestfriend's wedding

2009-05-20T08:40:00.002-07:00

Original Post Date: 4/27/2009

Saturday was my bestfriends wedding. I was her Maitron of Honor and it really was an honor and the first time I held that title. Lacie and I are as different as night and day and yet much the same as a cold beer and good joke on a bad day! With that analogy in mind... her wedding was amazing and sort of an eye opener for me. Lacie's sister and I are really good friends as well. And much more alike when it comes to what's on the "outside." We joked the entire time about how laxed and carefree Lacie was about so many things. She didnt care about many things I was made to think were a big deal. Tash and I tried convincing her that she needed more lights at the reception, and more color. Lacie and Joey werent worried about those things and you know what... when the reception rolled around not one person noticed that we hadn't put the extra lighting up and they didnt seem to care about decorations either. Lacie's wedding was perfect and very beautiful. All of the details were there in plain sight, everything came together like a fairytale. But most of all Lacie at every moment I was there had a smile on her face and not a single care in the world. She and Joey were enjoying their day 100% the way it should be enjoyed. They didnt have to worry about lights or drinks or food or anything of those things. They got to enjoy THEIR day to the fullest. In the end I learned to care less about the material things and enjoy the things that really matter. People don't remember your weddind decor... they remember the look on your face and whether or not your cried or laughed. Cheers to Lacie Annette... you're the best!

Today... April 22, 2009

2009-05-20T08:40:00.001-07:00

Wake up. Yawn. Good Morning Grace. Pass Todd in kitchen. Wash face. Brush teeth. Put make-up on. Get dressed. Decide its a good morning because I knew exactly what I was going to wear and didnt have to change 3 times. Still mad at Todd. Passed him in the hall. Barely answered. Smile at Grace eating cereal. Put clothes in dryer. Make bed. Tell Grace to get the brush. Fold blankets. Clean up bathroom. Tell Grace to get the brush for the 8 th time. Remember that I'm a mom, a wife, a daughter, sister. Wow... Life happened. Stop to be thankful. Still mad at Todd. Grace driving me nuts because she doesnt want to brush her hair and still insists on wearing her big sisters shoes to school. Finally.... in the car on the way to school. Feel bad for losing temper with Grace. That kid is something else. Remember DVD that needs to be returned to Block Buster. Remember why I quit renting movies. Turn around and go home to get DVD. kiss and hug at the classroom door. Its a good morning. Wish Grace a good day. Baby is moving. I smile, a big smile. Wow... we're going to have a baby boy. I love Todd. Still mad at him though. Dr. Pepper and burrito from McDonalds $2.87. Got a small Dr. Pepper so I wouldnt feel so bad. Office is busy already. Mediation today. Good morning all. Secretary's day. Happy day to everyone. Thank you to everyone. Good job everyone. Move on with day. Remind self to return DVD. Pants are tight. Baby moves. Need small cup of coffee. Drink coffee and answer emails. I'm tired. Heart burn. Who the hell named it that? My throat is burning not my heart! I'm still tired. Jeez, I feel drained. Invoicing... not in the mood to work. Just want to sleep. Can't sleep. Too much to do. Remind self of things to be thankful for. Still not ready to like Todd again. Click off and on screen, day dream and ponder about life. Did I wake up here one day. It all went so fast. Grace is almost 4. Maddie is 5. Both in big girl school soon. New baby in the house soon. DIAPER BAGS all over again. Forgot about that part. Not so much fun although I did find a really cute one! A boy is going to be diffrent. Maddie was so easy and is so laid back. Grace is "spirited" i.e. spoiled and rotten! What will this little boy be like? Shit... little boy still doesnt have name. Need to get moving. Email to Todd reminding him that we need a boy name, a summer schedule and of all the stuff happening in May. Snap out of it. You're being paid to work, not organize your life. Baby is moving. I smile. I have my very own family. Wow. A family. Can't believe it. We're all growing up. Lacie will be married in 3 days. Dwayne finally proposed (I think it snowed in hell) Todd is having a baby. Lance is playing house and doesnt talk to anyone anymore. Yep, it's official. We're adults. It does feel good. I sometimes miss those days though. Friendship was so loyal and steady. Now we have to check our calendar to text each other. Oh well... thankful for the memories we made. Work. Lunch, home for a nap. Up. Drive back to office. Work. Surf. Work. Time to go. Hey Grace. Hi teacher. She did what!? Drive home. If you dont start listening no summer camp. Did I forget to read that book on parenting? I must have the cliff note version. Note to self: Child rearing book is needed re: 4 year old stubborn daughter - the cute kind with pretty eyes. Yep. We're going to have some long days. Look out pre-k. Home. Pregnancy is wearing me out. I'm big, bored and getting hungry again. I love you baby and I'm ready for you to be here. Call Todd. Doesnt answer so I decide not to apologize for being a bitch all day. Oh well. Next time. Todd calls back. Nevermind. Feel sorry for self because I'm big, hot and pregnant and while I am starving it is not for anything in this house! Company coming over today to swim. Is it too late to cancel. Nah - it'll be fine. Grace is really looking forward to it. Company comes. Kids play. I life the wife. She's easy to talk to. Order pizza. Kids play well actually. Todd forgot that two days ago he said he was not going to drink anymore until the baby was born since I couldnt drink. He drinks 3. I decide to let it go but know I really wont. Seriously self - deal with it. Bathe Grace. Bathe self. Todd and Grace passed out on sofa. So cute when they sleep. Frick and Frack if I do say so myself. Wish Maddie were here. She's curl up with me. She's the calm one although she's got a streak of her own too! In bed to watch TV. Nothing good on TV. I only like TV on Monday and Thursday. Decide to take ou the laptop. Surf Acadiana Moms page. Look at facebook page. Decide to check out myspace. Vent about day. Baby moving now. Smile. Smile again. Yep, I am blessed. Good nite.

Original post: 4/22/2009

I've learned

2009-05-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

I've learned that we all get hurt. At some point in our life each of us will fight some sort of emotional battle which will in turn dictate our character, our disposition in life, our overall way of treating other people and reacting to future battles. Funny thing is though, we really do have the option to take from each battle whatever we want. We can take the good being the "lesson" or we can take the bad being the part the we feel "wronged" us. Why is it that so many of us choose to move forward with the chip on our shoulder that screams "I was hurt... I deserve the option to treat people badly because of it"? What I find most ironic is this... Often we pledge our dislike, disregard or hate for someone for the way they have treated us or the lack of thereof and yet in turn we treat everyone else the exact same way. Because of the hurt one person has caused us we become that person hurtful person without even noticing it. And we someone brings it to our attention we feel mistreated and offended because somehow we think we're the victim. My final thoughts on the subject are this: Life is hard but it's beautiful too. People are going to hurt you, that part is inevitable but it does not give you the right to hurt other people. Let go... move on... learn from it... be a better friend... be a better person.

Original Date: 4/21/2009

Just Me

2009-05-20T08:37:00.001-07:00

I LOVE THE SMELL OF FRESH CUT GRASS, I LOVE BIRTHDAYS AND CHRISTMAS. I HAVE TOO MANY PAIRS OF SHOES AND NOT ENOUGH SHIRTS. I LOVE PJ'S AND PANTIES AND GYM SHORTS. I EXERCISE TO RELIEVE STRESS AND READ TO SECURE MY SANITY. I LIKE TO SEW. I LOVE GIRAFFE'S AND TURTLES AND I BUY THINGS BECAUSE THEY'RE ON SALE NOT BECAUSE I NEED THEM.

Original date: 12/10/2008